


In Your Arms I find Comfort

by heichourivaille



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: I'm Sorry, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-30
Updated: 2013-12-16
Packaged: 2017-12-28 02:16:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/986488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heichourivaille/pseuds/heichourivaille
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I honestly didn't think I could find the light again. I thought my world was meant to be a dark and cruel place. But the day you walked into my life, you brought back the light I needed. You reminded me that this world isn't just cruel but also very beautiful. </p><p>Highschool AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cruel World

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 1 - Cruel World

This world is cruel. This world is very fucking cruel. But it's only cruel to those few people who deviate from social norms. People who are social outcasts. People like me. If you go against what society thinks is normal, then you have no chance at having a normal life and believe me when I say it's fucking shit.

 I didn't give a shit that I wasn't like everyone else but being at high school changed that. When you're different and you're in high school, your life is hell. It all starts with the pathetic laughing behind your back and then they start calling you names as you walk through the corridor. I could deal with all that perfectly fine, it really didn't bother me when the shits of my school called me names; it was just pathetic. It was only when the beatings started that things became too much. It wasn't because I was weak but when you have five guys on you at once, it's near impossible to fight back.

 At first the beatings were bearable, they only happened about once a week but then it got to the point where I couldn't walk down the fucking corridor without something happening. It wasn't just the beatings that made it all the more shit, it was the teachers too. Whenever anything happened, they just turned a blind eye to it and pretend nothing fucking happened. ' _Our school does not tolerate bullying'_ what a load of bullshit that was. When I came out of the fucking closet, I didn't think it would make my life a living hell.

 When you have no one to turn to, there's only one other way to release all the pain and that's in the form of a different pain, a self inflicted pain. If you've never self harmed, you'd never understand how the pain you inflict on yourself helps with forgetting the emotional pain you feel. It's a release, it's comfort, it's an addiction.

 My first years of high school were really fucking shit but it was in my last year that everything changed. It was the year that I found out that this world is not just cruel, it was also very beautiful. And it was thanks to Eren, the only one to give the time of day to show me the good things that came with life. He was the one who showed me life was worth living.

 It was the first day of my last day of school and I was quite fucking surprised that I was still at school. It was just like every other day, walk through the school gate to hear “faggot” or “go die” shouted at me. I try walking through school only to be kicked, tripped and pushed about. Like I said, it was the same as any other day. I got to English, my first class, safely enough though.

 I was thankful that my seat was at the back of the class, out of the way of everything. It didn't stop anyone from shouting things over to me but like always I ignored them, just looking out the window like I didn't give a fuck.

 My first two lessons of the day were the same as always, the occasional name calling and the teacher pretending they didn't hear, it was all the same. It wasn't until third period that things changed, we had a new kid.

 I was too busy not paying attention to realise he'd sat opposite me and it was only until he spoke that I noticed him sat there.

 “Hey, I'm Eren”

  _Wow._ That was all I could think of. I completely lost my train of thought when I looked up from the book in front of me. I was met by a pair of beautiful turquoise eyes. They were so full of life. So innocent and blissfully ignorant from the cruelty of this world. His eye's weren't the only thing beautiful about him, he himself was beautiful.

 “I guess you didn't hear me, I'm Eren. Eren Jaeger” His voice sounded so bright and cheerful, something I didn't know could exist in this shit place. And he smiled at me. He actually fucking smiled at me. I couldn't remember the last time someone smile so warmly at me.

Part of me didn't trust the kindness he was showing me, I kept telling myself that this was all just an act and in a few days he'd be the same as everyone else. He's join in with the name calling and probably help out with the beatings that happened so often. So of course, I pushed him away.

 “Levi” Was all I replied with. I went back to reading the book in front of me in hope he would get the hint to leave me alone. But although this kid was beautiful, he was a fucking idiot.

 “Levi huh? It's nice to meet you Levi.” He said with the most obnoxious grin on his face. “I hope we can get along, I'm new here so I don't have any friends yet.” The fact he didn't get the hint that I wanted nothing to do with him irritated me. Everyone else who took one look of me backed off but for some reason this brat didn't.

 “Yeah” I said sounding the least bit interested in stupid small talk. I tried desperately for him to leave me alone and if it wasn't for the teacher starting class, he would of probably carried on bugging me. He didn't talk to me for the rest of the lesson either, which I was quite thankful for though.

 The bell rang and I quickly gathered my stuff and made my way out of the classroom as quickly as possible. If I was lucky, I could get to my usual smoking spot without anyone catching me. And for once, I was lucky. I made it to the back of the school, behind the astro-turf where I could smoke in peace. I took a cigarette and lit it, letting my body relax as I breathed in the harmful chemicals. Those were the times I was able to feel calm and peaceful, even if I was killing myself slowly.

 As I sat there with the cigarette in my mouth, Eren came to mind. I still couldn't understand why he acted so friendly towards me. Maybe he was different, maybe I could actually get along with him. But I just pushed the thought away, there was no way I could, he's just going to be like everyone else.

 Lunch came to an end and I started to feel dread. My fourth period was science and my class was on the other side of the school. I would have been incredibly lucky if I could make it without getting caught and considering I have shit luck, the chances were very slim.

 I wasn't even able to get to the gym (which was right next to the astro-turf) before I heard “Oi faggot” shouted at me. The only thought that went through my mind at that time was “fuck”. I tried ignoring them and getting away as fast as I could but of course, my attempt was in vain.

 I was dragged backwards by someone pulling on my bag and the next thing I feel is someone hooking their arms under mine. When I looked up I saw Nile Dawk stood in front of me.

 “Thought you could get away from me?” He said grabbing hold of my hair and pulling my head up. I didn't bother saying anything, I still had enough pride to not beg to be left alone. Instead I just glared at him, I didn't give a shit any more. I could just let him hit me, I only had science and I really couldn't care less if I missed it. So I just let him beat the shit out of me. He started by punching me in the stomach and fuck, it hurt. It knocked the wind out of me and I doubled over. The guy who had hold of me had let me go and as fell to my knees, I felt a foot connect with my side. I hissed in pain, there was no way I was going to let this fucker hear me cry out in pain. After the kick to my side, I was kicked again but from behind. His friend had joined in too. I just lead there as I had the shit kicked out of me. I didn't once cry out like they hoped I would and they soon became bored.

 “Just die already you little shit” Nile shouted over his shoulder as him and his friends walked off. I just lead there watching them walk off triumphantly and listened as their laughter grew distant. I laughed bitterly, what a great first day this turned out to be. But it wasn't like I was expecting any different.

 I lead there for a while just staring up at the sky, trying to ignore my aching body. I can't remember how long I stayed there but I do know I did finish the pack of cigarette's I had. I didn't bother going to any of my last lesson, it was gym and there was no way in hell I was going to that. So instead, I lied to the nurse saying I felt ill and went home. It was the one place I could be and just forget about the shit of every day life. It's a place where me and my blades can be alone.

 As soon as I got to my apartment, I collected one of the razor blades I kept on my bed side table and sat down on the couch in the living room. I lived alone, so it didn't matter where I was.

 Both my arms were covered in scars, some new and some old. As soon as I pulled my sleeve up, I ran the blade across my arm. I let out a sigh of relief. All the pain I felt from the beating I received was forgotten now that I was focused on the pain the three new cuts I had given myself. I watched as the blood seeped out of the wounds and trickle down my arm but stopped it before it could drip. Blood was bitch to get out of things and there was no way I was going to dirty my couch.

 I decided to have a shower after I was happy with my work. When I was about to get in the shower, I stood in front of the mirror. I had several bruises decorating my torso from the beating I received from Nile. I got into the shower and my new wounds stung under the hot water.

 I let the hot water wash over me and for the second time that day, Eren came into mind. I kept thinking that maybe he was different. No one else has ever smiled at me like he did, not even my own parents. I desperately wanted to believe Eren was different but no matter how hard I tried, there was always that part of me that told me he'd be like everyone else.

 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I only had a couple of hours sleep that night, not that it was anything new. I rarely managed to get a good nights sleep and the new bruises I had didn't make it easy either. I knew sleep was impossible to find now, so I ended up getting ready for school three hours before I was meant to. At least I got to spend more time in the shower and I dragged it out longer then what was necessary. 

 By the time I was finished it was 8:30. I decided on leaving later then usual in hope of avoiding Nile and his 'posy', I even wasted time in the corner shop buying another pack of cigarette's. But of course, I was still shit out of luck. When I arrived at school, Nile was waiting at the front gate. There was no way I could avoid them. I hadn't even walked through the fucking gate and my day was already shit.

 “Wow, you're a bit late aren't you? Been sucking cock for lunch money? That is what you gay shits do isn't it?” Nile said obnoxiously. Him and his whole group were stood round me by the time I actually got to the gate. I just stood there, not even fazed by what he said. He could throw all the insults he possibly could at me and it wouldn't bother me. I just felt numb.

 “And what if I was? Why should a prick like you care?” I didn't realise I had said the words I did until I said them. Remembering back, I was a fucking idiot for doing it because Nile didn't exactly take to kindly to it.

“Don't get cocky you fucking faggot” He said, kneeing me in the stomach. I doubled over but like yesterday, I didn't cry out in pain. One of his friends picked me back up and hooked his arms under mine. It was only then when I hated my height; they were able to pick me up with such ease. Once I was secure and there was no way I could break free, Nile punched me in the stomach. Again and again he punched me. His friend let go of me after a while and I feel to ground. I don't know why I thought Nile had gotten enough because it was obvious he didn't. He continued to kick me once I was down and so did his friends. Eventually though, they did get bored. Like yesterday and every other time, they fucked off. The last thing I saw before passing out was Nile's smug face when he looked back at me.

 When I woke up, I did not expect to be in the nurses office. I honestly thought I'd still be a pathetic mess by he school gate. I tried sitting up but pain shot through me like wild fire and I groaned. I decided against sitting up. The nurse had obviously heard me as she came over to me.

 “I see you're awake now” She said as she got to me. “I wouldn't try sitting up for a while, I'll fetch you some paracetamol for the pain” She was already walking off to get me it before she finished.

 “How did I get here?” I asked confused.

 “I don't think I've seen the boy who brought you before but he had the most worried expression I've ever seen” She said as she gave me the paracetamol. “But he did have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen, they were a turquoise-green, quite a peculiar colour to say the least” My head was still fuzzy so her last comment didn't register at first. I let what she said sink in more, there was only one person I knew who had eyes that colour. When I realised who she was talking about, I chocked on the paracetamol.

 Eren was the one who brought me here.


	2. Bad Luck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi realises how shit his luck really is.

**Chapter 2 - Bad Luck**

I had managed to get through the most of the day without encountering Nile again but that didn't make me feel happy at all. For one, my body ached like hell from the beating Nile gave me in the morning and two, all I could think about was Eren. I couldn't understand a fucking thing about him. Not only did he smile at me with such warmth and kindness, when all I get from everyone else is dirty looks, but he also carried me to the infirmary after I passed out from my morning beating.

 You're probably thinking why I find it so weird, well considering I've never been carried to the infirmary before and I've always been left wherever I had passed out, it's pretty weird. And not only that, Eren was no where to be seen. I hadn't bumped into him once since I left the infirmary. Even if I did miss the first three lessons of the day, the distance between the infirmary and my lesson was big enough to see every shit that goes to this school, but none of them were Eren. But if I'm honest, I didn't want to see him. Even though I get the shit kicked out of me on a regular basis, I'm still a man with pride and having been carried to the infirmary by some stranger like a fucking princess, my pride had been wounded quite a bit.

 Though my luck of not seeing Eren finally ran out by the time I got to my last lesson. I had completely forgotten I shared History with him and when I got there, I was met by those unusual beautiful turquoise eyes. _Well, fuck._

 I silently made my way over to my table and didn't say a word to him when I got there. He didn't say anything but I could feel him intently staring at me. I wanted to say something, I wanted to ask him about this morning. I wanted to ask him why he wasn't like everyone else but I couldn't bring myself to say anything. And so, for the beginning of the lesson, I sat in awkward silence as I could feel his eyes burning a hole through my head.

 We must have been sat there for a half hour at least before anything was said. I got fed up with the feeling of him staring at that I finally said something.

 “What do you want?!” I asked, a little too loud for my liking. Luckily it wasn't loud enough to disturb everyone else. Eren just stared wide eyed at me. I could see him contemplating on what he should say; his mouth opened to say something but thought better of it.

 “S-sorry” He finally said, lamely I must say. He went silent again, unsure of what to say again. When he didn't say anything else, I went back to what I was doing and he went back to staring. I tried not thinking about the eyes boring into the side of my head and tried focusing on the work in front of me. It's obvious that I couldn't concentrate and I just ended up staring intently at blank pages. I just wanted to get through this lesson so I could just go home to the comforting solitary my house provided. Though, of course that didn't happen.

 We sat in the uncomfortable silence for the rest of the lesson. And when I say uncomfortable, I mean it was fucking excruciating. Not once did Eren's piercing stare lighten up at all and he didn't try making conversation either. I just wanted to get out of there as fast I fucking could and when the bell went, I hastily packed my stuff and left. I didn't turn back once to see if Eren had followed, I just wanted to leave. I managed to get to the parking lot before Eren stopped me, grabbing hold of my arm.

 “Levi, wait!” I didn't really realize how fast I had left but it was obviously fast enough for Eren to have to run and loose his breath. I didn't turn around, instead I just kept my gaze ahead of me. I was quite surprised at how strong his grip was; he was quite skinny so I didn't think he had any strength of his own but I suppose, looks can be deceiving. A few moments went past before he spoke again.

 “I...” He started. He took a deep breath and sighed. “I just wanted to know if you were okay” It surprised me how soft-spoken he was. He sounded so sincere and gentle. When I turned around to look at him, his expression almost knocked the air from my lungs. He looked so earnest and genuine. I was captivated by those large, expressive green eyes. They were so virtuous and honest but I still couldn't believe it. There was still something stopping me from believing that Eren could actually be different.

 “Levi?” Hearing his voice again broke me away from my thoughts. “Are you okay?” He asked again. It was only then that I realised I had be staring. I couldn't get my head around this kid; why was he so concerned about _me?_

 I shook my thoughts away, yanking my arm from his grasp and pain shot through me like wild fire. My body was still aching from the this mornings beating. “I'm fine” I said flatly and taking one last look over my shoulder at Eren. I hated the look he gave me. He saw straight through me, he knew I wasn't fine. He knew I was far from being fine and it pissed me off.

 I turned back round and carried on walking to my car. I didn't bother looking back to see if Eren was following me; all I wanted was to back at home. Just as I was leaving the parking lot, I took one last glance at Eren. He hadn't moved from where I left him, he just stood there watching me leave. But I didn't quite catch the expression he had but from I saw, he almost looked hurt. But why? Why the fuck would he have that kind of expression, specially towards me.

 I was already confused by all this shit and didn't need any more. As soon as you was out of the parking lot, I tried to forget about him. Of course that was impossible.

 As soon as I got home, I went straight to my room where my only form of release were placed. I picked up a clean blade and sat against the wall, with blade placed against my arm. A moment later, sweet blissful pain shot through my arm. As I watched the crimson liquid flow from the four freshly clean and neat cuts, I managed to forget about everything.

 I closed my eyes as I focused on the pain coursing through my arm. I didn't bother with the bloody mess I was making on my bed sheets; I was too busy focusing on the relief the pain gave me.

 I hadn't realised that the utopia of pain had coaxed me to sleep. It didn't surprise me in the slightest though, I could only fall asleep to physical pain I had caused myself. I woke up in disgust as I set my eyes on the disgusting blood stain that surrounded my limp, scared arm. With a sigh, I got out of bed and took my bed sheets with me to my kitchen. Stuffing them in the washing machine, I sighed again. The blood stain was going to be a bitch to get out. I'm normally careful when it comes to make a mess; there's nothing I hate more then making a mess. Well maybe Nile and the rest of the dicks at school came in close second.

 I didn't bother going to school, I just couldn't bring myself to face another beating, which was most likely waiting for me at the school gates, and I was ready to see Eren either. I had no doubt in my mind that Eren would also be waiting for me.

 I leant against the kitchen, with arms crossed and cigarette placed between my lips. I was just thinking about Eren, trying to figure out what his deal was. Why the fuck didn't he see me as a dirty fag like the rest of them did? I just didn't get it. What did he see in me that everyone else can't?

 I ended up just stating in the kitchen until my bed sheets were clean. I also ended up smoking the rest of my cigarette's too. The last thing I wanted to do was leave the house. But the more I thought about Eren, the more I needed to smoke. Just thinking about the way he smiled at me the first time we met, drives me insane.

 It only took one deep wash to get the blood stain out, which I was thankful for. I didn't feel like scrubbing it by hand. Once the bed sheets were back on the bed, I headed out to the shop. If I was going to get through the day, I needed to smoke. Unfortunately for me though, none of the shops around where I live sell to minors. So I had to walk over an hour just to get a packet of cigarette's. I would have drove there but the petrol was running low and I felt like I needed to smoke more then I to drive.

 However I never did make it to the shop. I wasn't the only one who decided to skip school; just as I got to the next town over, I was stopped in my tracks by a tall figure stood in front of me. Just my fucking luck.

 “Would you look at that, the faggot decided to skip school too.” The all too familiar and fucking annoying voice of Nile Dawk said. I knew I had the worst luck going but this was just fucking ridiculous. Could I really not go a day without worrying about this dickhead? Obviously not.

 “Oh would you look at that, the homophobic asshole decided to skip too.” I shouldn't have said that really, I'd only regret it when I got back to school. I could see I'd pissed him off, it was so easy reading him.

 “You're going to wish you never said that you gay fucker!” Just like I'd expected, his fist made contact with my face. I stepped back a few steps from the impact but the punch barely did anything. I was quite glad it was only him; I could actually do something this time. As soon as I collected myself, I threw a punch at him. It felt quite good to punch him, I had been meaning to do it for a while. Before he could even collect himself, I threw another punch. This time I hit him in the stomach.

 He managed to collect himself before I got another hit in and lunged towards me, knocking me to the ground. He straddled me all the while throwing punches at my face. However before it got too much, the punches suddenly stopped and the weight was lifted of me. When I looked up to see what was going on, Nile was pinned against the wall. I couldn't see the face of the guy pinning him up.

 “If you lay another hand on him, I swear to go you'd wish you hadn't!” The anger and venom in the guys voice made me cringe. It also sounded so familiar but I just couldn't put a name on it.

 “What are you his new boyfriend?” Nile spat back but that only angered the guy more.

 “Just fuck off!” He shouted and threw Nile to the side. And just like he had demanded, Nile ran off shouting a few curses at him. He stood there for a while longer until Nile was no longer in sight. “Fucking bastard.” He muttered under his breath. I sat up wincing; my head was pounding and yesterdays beating were still giving me grief.

 “Are you okay, Levi?” The sound of my name brought me back to the situation at hand. I glanced up and the moment I set my eye's on those ridiculously beautiful green eyes, I realised today really wasn't my day.

 Eren had once again saved me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took so long to upload this chapter, I'm just really bad when it comes to procrastinating. I hope you like it because I don't think I do. I didn't know what I wanted to happen in this chapter, so I just went along with it.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like such a bitch writing this. I actually wanted to cry for what I made Levi go through. T^T But I hope you liked it!!


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